Physician, know thy self…

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Flying solo, this evening begins with me falling asleep behind the wheel…

No – I was not driving!!

Instead waiting patiently in my car for an after work dinner.

I drove my little silver baby to Twickenham and arrived 45 minutes early. I listened to the News Quiz on Radio 4, followed by the Archers.
Then I made my way to the lovely little French restaurant. I tried not to gasp when I had to pay the bill at the beginning of the evening. Realised that on my ‘normal’ nights out I could eat for 3 evenings on the money I paid today , does that make me frugal? No answers, no postcards please.

So I got the opportunity to meet many of my consultant hospital colleagues which was nice because my field of paediatrics just seems so small at times and underrepresented in the bigger picture. I was amused by a urologist asking me “what do you actually do?”

Made me step back and think, not so much, what do I do, but do I do it well. My appraisal is fast approaching so I have had plenty of time to think about my current achievements and goals for the future. I have a plan for more study, more writing, more teaching – the bread and butter of my existence.

The other part of me was observing myself from afar and I came to a number of conclusions…

I am still quite junior in some respects – many of the people I spoke to have hit the ten year mark – that’s a lot of time and experience.

I have realised why the surgeon was the surgeon, the urologist the urologist and radiologist the radiologist.

I have realised why I am the paediatrician

I have realised that I have so much work to do on myself!

So much…

Of course this is always the conclusion I come to after I have been rubbing shoulders with the great and the good. I somehow feel I need to move on up.

So what is my plan…

I need to start developing this inner confidence that I saw beaming out of some of my colleagues today. Just this degree of self-possession that I can only dream of owning. I expect I’ll get there one day.

In the meantime – I was pleased to note that I was not the usual uneasy, odd acting, awkward social geek I normally am. Managed to keep my camera phone picture taking habit at bay for a few hours but as you can see I could not resist taking a picture of the menu. A little sad, huh?!

But I could be a little more polished, smoother, brighter…

Just more…

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